Plane Ride From Hell
by OrcaMafia
Summary: Seigaku, Rikkaidai, Hyotei, Rokkaku and Higa get invited to play tennis in America... And the journey there may be even harder than the actual tournament. With an abundance of airport hijinks, on-flight pranks and an overuse of cheap puns, Sanada probably should have just stayed home.
1. Airport Security

**Prologue: An Invitation to America!**

_**SEIGAKU: Seigaku Junior High, Tokyo.  
Monday, 4:50 PM.**_

"A-Another American tournament?" Oishi sputtered, nearly choking on his water.

It was another day after practice and the Seigaku Tennis Club was doing their cool-down stretching when their captain decided to break some exciting news to everyone.

"Yes, and I would advise you all not to be carele-"

"But Tezuka-Buchou, this is such late notice! It's in a week? H-How could we possibly train enough to prepare for something with so little time? Momoshiro and Kaidou's doubles is too uncoordinated, Kawamura's still recovering from an overexertion of power, we need to work on Eiji's stamina and..."

"Oishi-" Tezuka attempted,

"...And I think I still have regular bouts of nausea from Inui's last serving of Penal Tea. Plus, Ryuzaki is sick again and she won't be able to be our chaperone and there are just so many things that could go wro-"

"OISHI!"

"Yes, buchou?"

"Thank you. Now, _if you'll let me finish_, the Seigaku Tennis Club has been asked by the Official Tennis Association of America to play a few exposé games against local middle schools with underfunded tennis programs in New York. These are not meant to be strictly competitive matches," He then paused to give everyone a sharp glare, as if to say _but I expect you to win at all costs,_ "...Rather, they are meant to provide a learning experience for students who may be struggling with tennis, in the hopes that by playing more advanced opponents they will be inspired to push harder themselves. Understand?"

"Yes, captain." The team responded in unison.

Momoshiro's hand suddenly raised, "So... No homework during the whole trip?" Kaidou rolled his eyes at the question.

Tezuka nodded, "That's right. Instead, we will be finishing the school year much later, to make up for the three weeks we will be out of the country."

Momoshiro and Eiji groaned in unison.

Then Inui's hand shot up.

"Yes, Inui?"

"It is likely to assume that, considering the vast amount of tennis talent in the Tokyo area, Seigaku wasn't the _only _junior high tennis team invited to take part in these exposé games, correct? Will we be seeing other teams?" Inui asked, glasses glinting. Another chance to compare notes and abilities with Yanagi seemed like a good offer.

"Good assumption, you are indeed right. Seigaku, along with Rikkaidai Fuzoku Chuu, Hyotei Gakuen, Rokkaku Chuu and Higa Chuu were also sent invitations." Their captain's response was met with excitement.

Tezuka continued: "Our flight leaves sharply at 7:00 AM next Friday morning. A shuttle is going to drive us from school to the Tokyo Narita Airport at 5:30 AM, to assure that we have enough time to have our bags checked and go through security before the plane begins boarding. I expect to see you there, bright and early."

_**RIKKAIDAI: Narita Airport, Tokyo.**_  
_**Friday, 5:46 AM.**_

"Yanagi, what did you fill this bag with? _Rocks_?" Jackal groaned, painfully trying to help his teammate shove his carry-on bag onto the airport security conveyor belt. After straining his arms and nearly throwing out his back, the two finally managed to muster enough combined strength to lift the large duffel-bag onto the belt so it could be screened.

Jackal wiped the sweat from his brow, "But seriously, can I ask what you put in there?" he exhaustedly inquired. Yanagi looked at him rather blandly, "A twelve part series about the agglomerative methods of cluster analysis. For some light reading on the plane ride." Jackal sighed and nodded. "'Light reading'... _Right_."

Further down in the airport security line, Jackal's doubles partner appeared to be having a few issues.

"Wait, wait, wait. So you're saying I can't bring this on the plane? But how could it _possibly _be dangerous? I-" Marui rattled off to one of the airport security officers.

"Sir, rules are rules. While it is highly unlikely that bringing this as a carry-on item would cause any harm to your fellow passengers, all liquids must be kept in bottles that are less than 8 ounces."

Marui groaned, rolling his eyes. Kirihara, hopelessly devoted to his senpais, took this chance to stand up for his teammate.

"But he payed a lot for this! And he needs it for his athletic abilities! Rikkaidai is taking part in an American tennis tournament next week and Marui-senpai's tennis works best with this kind of nutrition! You don't want Japan to lose, do you?" Kirihara pleaded, desperate to both help and impress Marui.

The airport security officer just sighed. He hated dealing with people like this. He knew he should have taken that other job offer in Osaka. "While I appreciate your opinion as a customer, this airline has very strict guidelines. If you want to board the plane, you'll have to leave it behind. Understand?"

"_Fiiiine." _Marui huffed, throwing his hands up as he discarded his contraband item. "But just so you know, that 64 ounce bottle of chocolate syrup wasn't exactly _cheap_."

"I tried to help, Marui-senpai! That guy was so lame... I could destroy him in tennis!" Kirihara vented, a crazy glint in his eye. Marui just nodded and patted him on the head with a sympathetic grin. "I know, I know."

**_ROKKAKU: Narita Airport, Tokyo._**  
**_Friday, 6:02 AM._**

Rokkaku's young and enthusiastic captain was happily heading towards their plane's gate, walking fast from excitement. "I've never been on a plane before! Have you guys? What's it like?"

"Well, it's _plane _to see that someone's looking forward to this!" Amane Hikaru, commonly known as Davide, responded. Ryo shuddered at the pathetic pun as Davide received a swift kick to the head from his doubles partner, Kurobane.

"Whoa, whoa, guys, no fighting here! It might seem suspicious since we're in an airport and security's really strict about any violent conduct," Saeki worriedly interjected.

"You heard him. No fighting, just... _flighting_... Pffft!" Davide couldn't resist.

A vein pulsed in Kurobane's temple. "And here I was, thinking that I'd only need these earplugs during the flight," Kurobane said as he opened a packet of the small orange buds and popped one in each ear.

"I guess I was making too much of a... _Racquet_," Davide grinned, pointing to his tennis racquet bag.

As the group headed towards gate A-11 to wait for their flight to begin boarding, Kurobane smiled to himself at the muffled, incomprehensible noise.

_**SEIGAKU, HYOTEI: Narita Airport, Tokyo.**_  
_**Friday, 6:10 AM.**_

Already in gate A-11, the Hyotei and Seigaku regulars were passing the time by engaging in a fierce competition.

Using Atobe's fancy, gold-plated board and sterling silver letter pieces, their intra-school scrabble game was becoming quite heated and stressful.

"I agree with Kaidou. That is _definitely _not an actual word," Shishido said stubbornly, arms crossed.

"What? Yes it is, I say it all the time! It's practically my catchphrase, and a catchphrase counts as a word!" Momoshiro defiantly retorted, pointing at the letters he had just placed on the scrabble board.

"You dumbass, '_don', _is definitely not in a dictionary! What would it mean anyway? Aside from, _'Check out my oafish power-tennis that actually managed to work for once!'_" Kaidou growled, fisting Momoshiro's shirt.

"Stupid Mamushi, during our last scrabble game you played '_hiss' _and that's your idiotic catchphrase, so it's only fair that mine should count!" Momoshiro growled back.

Inui interjected, "Momoshiro, as you know, '_hiss' _is a real word, found in the official Oxford English dictionary," Inui stated, but then nodded at Kaidou, "However, Kaidou is mistaken for assuming that '_don' _is not a real word. Its technical definition is '_a Spanish title prefixed to a male forename.' " _Momoshiro blinked.

"Such as the character Don John, from Shakespeare's play Much Ado About Nothing. I saw that piece performed in the London Theatre by a professional acting troupe from New York's prestigious Julliard school of performing arts. It was part of my tenth birthday present." Atobe added, effortlessly flicking a strand of hair from his face.

Shishido groaned. "I still say it shouldn't count."

He was probably more upset about this because Momoshiro's '_don' _(placed on a triple-word-score tile) won him 24 extra points, just putting him past Shishido's score.

**_RIKKAIDAI: Narita Airport, Tokyo.  
Friday, 6:15 AM._**

Once Jackal and Yanagi finished getting all their items checked by security, they eventually caught up with Kirihara and Marui.

"Hello again. I trust everything went well?" Yanagi asked.

Marui rolled his eyes, "Security guard losers wouldn't let me take my health drink."

"You brought a health drink with you?" Jackal asked, curious.

"Yeah, don't you remember? That time when I convinced you to get me that awesome, huge bottle of chocolate syrup?"

Oh. _That._ Jackal face palmed.

Kirihara took that moment to cut in, "Where are buchou and fukubuchou?!"

"One-hundred percent chance Sanada's line progress is being delayed by Niou's antics. Thirty-four percent chance Niou sabotaged his suitcase. Fifty-five percent chance Sanada will be able to deduce that Niou is the culprit." Yanagi replied. The three others nodded. Yanagi's statistics never lied.

And, as if on queue, suddenly a loud "TARUNDORU!" was heard throughout Tokyo's Narita Airport complex.

Sanada had just been taken to one of the security tables to get his suitcase examined by an airport officer, only to find that the contents of his bag-which he'd previously thought were a novel, sweatshirt, deck of cards, travel-sized mahjong board and an extra cap-Had now been replaced by an enormous stack of incredibly inappropriate magazines.

The moment Sanada realized something had gone awry happened when the security officer's facial expression showed utter shock and disgust upon opening his bag. Sanada peeked over, because, well, nothing he had packed that morning would trigger such a reaction. And much to his unpleasant surprise, what he had packed that morning was not what was inside his bag. Instead, his suitcase was spilling over with a multitude raunchy magazines, titles ranging from _"Cumming into a sticky situation" _to _"Busty 'n Lusty: Shower Edition."_

Rikkaidai's fukubuchou was _not _pleased.

"NIOU MASAHARU! If you think that this is okay, and that you are not an abomination to the honorable title of being a member of the Rikkai tennis club, THEN YOU COULDN'T BE ANY MORE WRONG!" Sanada growled, red-faced with a mixture of extreme rage and extreme embarrassment.

Niou just looked at him rather innocently. "What? You can't prove it was me. Maybe it was Yagyuu?"

Yagyuu smirked from behind Niou in line. "Actually, it _was _Yagyuu. But I'm not Yagyuu right now.

Sanada just glowered. "Tarundoru! You two... _both of you, _are going to be in a world of pain and exhaustion when we return to school. You will be running laps until you _faint." _

It was then that the security officer who was checking Sanada's bag decided to cut in. "U-Uhm, sir? Your bag check is done, you may now proceed through the airport gates."

Angrily sighing, Rikkai's long-suffering fukubuchou uttered, "_Keep it."_ and walked in the direction of their flight.

Yukimura simply watched the scene play out with a rather serene smile on his face.

"Wonderful, now that we've all passed through security, let us head to our gate. What's our gate number again, Yanagi?" asked their pretty buchou.

"It says here gate A-11. We're still early though. Our plane to doesn't leave for another hour, so we'll have a lot of time to kill," Yanagi remarked.

"Too bad Sanada left all that reading material back at security!" Niou couldn't help but snicker.

"What reading material? Fukubuchou, did you bring books for all of us?" Kirihara perked up.

Sanada just glared at everyone. This was going to be a long flight.

**To be continued...**

**Thanks for reading! If you have any suggestions, please review. I love hearing feedback!**


	2. In The Waiting Room

**Thanks for the reviews, RikkaidaiPrincess and Yuhi! Now, on the to story shall we?**

**_SEIGAKU, HYOUTEI: Narita Airport, Tokyo._**  
**_Friday, 6:20 AM._**

The plane was due for takeoff at 7:00 AM and would start boarding at 6:40 AM. Therefore, twenty more minutes of time needed to be killed.

Having finished their fierce scrabble tournament (Inui won with his encyclopedic knowledge of etymology and linguistics, to no one's surprise), the two rival teams had quickly run out of engaging activities to entertain themselves and their short attention spans. They were middle schoolers, after all.

Atobe drawled, "I'm bored. If only they had allowed me a larger carry-on bag. One that would fit my surround-sound DVD player and speaker system. That would have been vastly more entertaining than these menial cardgames, ne, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

Hyoutei's unimpressed buchou let out an unnecessarily dramatic sigh, taking a nail file out of his designer duffel bag and began neatly primping his nails with an exasperated expression.

"Would you pass me the men's lacquer?"

"Usu." Kabaji handed a small glass bottle of men's topcoat polish to his captain.

Meanwhile, at the end of Hyoutei and Seigaku's row of seats, Inui was facing quite a large crisis.

He had encountered a logic-based activity which he _completely, utterly _failed at.

"Nyaa, Inui! You forgot the rules again, you can't play that card in defense-mode! It's a spell card!" Eiji said, pointing at Inui's incorrectly-placed YuGiOh card.

"H-Hai... I apologize, I should have known better..." Inui was sweating now. He nervously pushed his glasses up. He was the data master, but why was this such a hard game to grasp? He bit his lip and hesitantly tried again, "Then... I play my Red Eyes Black Dragon, defe-I mean, attack mode-"

In the background, Ryoma made a "Mada mada dane" remark directed towards his bespectacled senpai.

"Che. Are you even trying, Inui-san? We already _told _you, you need to sacrifice two weaker cards in order to summon a monster that powerful." Shishido groaned, rubbing his temples. Choutarou gave Inui a concerned look, "Inui, would you like me to help you? We can both play against Shishido if you're struggling."

Shishido responded to Choutarou's offer with a slightly betrayed look, "Are you serious? Let the man fight his battles on his own. Besides..." Shishido's voice got a bit lower, "If you play doubles with anyone, it's me..."

Choutarou blinked and lightly blushed.

Inui bit his lip. He had never felt this confused since the time Kaidou had lost his memory and forgot who he was. The data master had a reputation to keep up, dammit! If he screwed up a match like this, he would never live it down. At least Yanagi wasn't here to witness his pathetic attempt at dueling.

"Fushuuu, Senpai, I can help you if you want..." A familiar kouhai muttered, walking over and sitting down close to Inui. "My little brother, Hazue, likes to play YuGiOh cards with me a lot..." Kaidou explained.

"Why yes, Kaidou, that would be greatly appreciated. Here, take a look at my deck."

"Hmm... Inui, you have a really good hand right now. See Shishido's Legendary Fisherman in defense mode? Use this trap card here-if you play it in two turns," Kaidou pointed to one of Inui's cards. It was shiny and had a silver elf on it, "Then activate this spell card," Kaidou gestured to another one of Inui's cards which was red with a black mask on the center, "...Then you can send three of Shishido-san's cards to the graveyard." Kaidou scratched his head, "It would also help if you used this spell card here," Kaidou pointed to yet another card in Inui's hand, "To unlock the ability to summon this monster," Kaidou tapped the third card from the left in Inui's hand, "Which, when it gets sent to the graveyard, unlocks a special ability for the polymerization of this monster," Kaidou pointed to a card that Inui already had on the playing field, "With Summoned Skull here," Kaidou held up another card in Inui's hand.

Inui nodded, trying to wrap his head about all of what his kouhai was saying.

Kaidou continued, "...And after that, you can switch Internal Flame Emperor to defense mode and activate your third trap card, followed by playing these three spell cards in face-down position." Kaidou finished, staring intently at Inui's deck.

Inui started to feel oddly tingly inside. "Kaidou, I had no idea you had such skill in YuGiOh."

Kaidou tried to hide a blush and hissed. "Fushuuu... Senpai, it's nothing. Just things I learned from playing Hazue..."

**_RIKKAIDAI: Narita Airport, Tokyo._**  
**_Friday: 6:27 AM._**

And then the Rikkaidai Tennis Club eventually made their way to the waiting area to join Seigaku, Hyoutei, and Rokkaku.

Yanagi immediately noticed his childhood friend (and rival data master) struggling with YuGiOh cards, a game so _simple-minded and easy to comprehend as long as one thought 5 steps beforehand and had basic knowledge of conditional probability and Bayesian Analysis. _"Well, well, well... Never would have expected you to lack basic dueling abilities, Sadaharu. Mind if I join in?" Yanagi smirked and headed over to either help or tease Inui.

Marui sat in an available chair next to Seigaku's Momoshiro Takeshi.

"I wonder what snacks they'll serve us on the plane." Marui pondered as he took his seat next to the power tennis player.

"I hope it's burgers! Since the plane tickets were so expensive, I bet the airline food is gonna be great!" Momoshiro responded, mouth already starting to water.

"Oh, you think? I'm thinking that they might put out a whole buffet for us, since, y'know, the plane is so long. They'll probably have a giant dessert buffet lining the aisle with all sorts of cakes and sweets and pastries..." the self-proclaimed, sugar-addicted tensai stated.

From a few seats down, Echizen couldn't help but interrupt their conversation.

"I hate to break it to you two, but... I've been on transcontinental flights from Tokyo to New York numerous times and,"

Momoshiro and Marui both gave Echizen excited looks, each boy with a luxurious and mouth-wateringly delicious fantasy of what airline food was like.

"...For long flights like this, you get one meal. Usually a small TV dinner and a shot-glass-sized plastic cup of soda. Maybe a tiny bag of raisins if they're feeling generous."

Two distressed and horrifying screams of agony could be heard throughout the airport complex.

**_ROKKAKU: Narita Airport, Tokyo._**  
**_Friday, 6:30 AM._**

Everybody's favorite (or rather, second favorite depending on how partial you are to Shitenhouji) comic relief team, Rokkaku Chuu, was collected at the back of the airport waiting area for their early morning flight to New York City. Because a certain over-enthusiastic first year buchou forgot to charge his cellphone the night before, the team had gathered at the back wall of the waiting area where there was a small collection of outlets.

All of them were away from the other teams since each of member had his phone plugged into one of the outlets, collecting as much charge as possible to last through the entire transcontinental flight.

Ryou's phone buzzed again for the fifth time in no less than ten minutes. A rather annoyed expression graced the older Kisarazu's face and he grumpily texted back a terse one-letter reply before placing it yet again on the ground next to his iPhone charger.

"Looks like somebody's popular. Can I ask who keeps texting?" Rokkaku's fukubuchou inquired, taking a seat at the airport gate next to his capped teammate.

"Mom. Again. For the-what-_eighty seventh time_ _since we left today?_" Ryou grumbled, crossing his arms.

"She's just worried about you, you know. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, Saeki, Geez. Everything is fine. It's just..." Ryou rolled his eyes a bit, as if searching for the right words to say, "...It's like, mom _never _gets this protective with 'Atsushi."

Saeki nodded, gesturing for his teammate to continue.

"I mean, okay. So I'm the older one, right? But ever since 'Sushi transferred to St. Rudolph, mom and dad are constantly talking about how responsible and independent he is. They only call him like once a month and whenever he visits, he's treated practically like an adult." Ryou let out a moody "Tch" and flicked a strand of black hair from his face. "Meanwhile, I, the older brother, am still treated like some little kid who needs to be constantly cared for."

Saeki gave Ryou a sympathetic look. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Yuuta told me that Fuji-"

Davide jumped into the conversation just enough to blurt out, "Sounds like _double trouble_. Does anyone need a _twintervention? _Pfffft!" He grinned, covering his mouth with his hand to let out a snort.

Ryou cringed.

...

Wait, no kick. Where was Kurobane?

"Hey, where did 'Bane run off to?" Saeki asked, voicing Ryou's thoughts.

"Oh, him and Itsuki went off to grab a few snacks at the food court for during the flight. We want to go to New York, not... _Hungary! _Heh,"

Ryou shuddered and his left eye gave an involuntary twitch. His current state of mild pun-induced repulsion was interrupted by a loud chirping noise. Followed by what sounded a bit like an explosion.

"AH YEAH! New angry birds high score! SWEET!" Kentarou exclaimed, holding his phone three inches from his face with concentration.

Ryou wondered if Kurobane would buy any extra earplugs while he was out.

**_HIGA: Narita Airport complex, Tokyo._**  
**_Friday, 6:39 AM.  
_**

_(Reminder: Plane leaves at 7:00, boarding begins 6:40)_

"Kite, calm down! We're gonna make it on time, don't worry!" Kai Yuujiroh attempted to console their short-tempered captain as the group of purple-clad Okinawans sprinted towards the airport security line.

The morning of the flight had not been a good one. To assure that each team (Seigaku, Rikkaidai, Hyoutei, Rokkaku, Higa) made it to New York City on the same day to undergo the same training session, it was imperative that all five teams arrive on the same plane. Because Kite's drunken coach, a self-proclaimed lush with a nasty attitude and tendency to push important matters off till the last minute, had booked the wrong (much later) flight from Okinawa to mainland Tokyo, the Higa Chuu tennis club was now running dangerously late to make their Tokyo-NYC flight on time.

Still running as fast as they could, Kite angrily panted, "If we miss our flight, I swear, _you all will be dining at my house when we get back_,"

Rin suddenly froze mid-run. Oh shit no, he knew what that meant.

Then he remembered that he had to run or he would be the one suffering this agonizing punishment. "H-Hai, buchou!" He nearly yelped, picking up the pace.

It took Kai a moment to register the significance of what Kite had said. First he was going to gladly ask what his mother and father would be serving. Then, one look at Rin's horrified expression and Kai was off sprinting ahead of nearly everyone (aside from Rin, who was the epitome of terrified and running at inhumanly high speeds). "Aah-No Kite, I'm running, buchou! I promise we won't be late!"

Kite's glasses gave off a scarily evil glint as he continued running.

Even Tanishi, large as he was, had intensified his speed as the severity of Kite's threat dawned on him.

Chinen just blinked, blank expression on his face as their group ran at lightening-speed towards the airport security line.

"I rather enjoyed your mother's bitter melon casserole last time we ate at your house."

**_SEIGAKU, HYOUTEI, RIKKAIDAI, ROKKAKU, HIGA (all teams): Narita Airport complex, Tokyo.  
_****_Friday, 6:41 AM._**

Everyone was sitting tiredly in the airport waiting area when suddenly an announcement on the loudspeaker jolted them awake.

"Flight A-11 from Narita Airport, Tokyo to LaGuardia Airport, New York, will now be boarding. First-class passengers will be boarding first. Everyone in group A, with a first-class ticket, may begin boarding the airplane. Thank you."

Atobe took out his ticket, ready for himself and his teammates to join the first-class group. Ready to feel the plush leather upholstery on his back and massive amounts of legroom which the luxurious first-class section of the airplane had to offer.

Atobe took a closer look at his ticket and noticed something inhumanely horrible.

"BUSINESS-CLASS?!"

No. This couldn't be right. Atobe was absolutely, completely, one-hundred-percent positive that he had printed out _first-class tickets _for all of Hyoutei.

He had never flown in the "plebian" area of a plane before. The amounts of legroom and reclining space which second-class offered were atrocious from what he'd heard.

Despite his slightly exasperated expression on the outside, on the inside Atobe was mentally freaking out. _What. The. Fuck! I remember this morning looking over my online airplane ticket order. It said seven first-class tickets. No business-class. Just first-class. FIRST CLASS!_

Meanwhile,

"What a pleasant surprise. I don't remember us receiving first-class tickets when we printed them out last night." Yukimura said, smiling serenely as if he really knew what was going on, but was pretending that it was all just a happy coincidence.

Niou smirked as he and Yukimura began walking side-by-side with the rest of Rikkaidai to join the first-class passenger line.

Yukimura spoke first, head turning towards the trickster. "Fantastic job, Niou-kun."

"Simple switcharoo, puri. You can thank me with a lap deduction later."

"We'll see to it that you are rewarded. I'm looking forward to our attentive on-flight service and... Luxurious amounts of legroom."

"As am I, puri, as am I."

**To be continued...**

**Oh shit, Atobe just got royally screwed. **

**Thanks again for the follows! I'd really appreciate reviews if possible, since there's no point in continuing a story if no one's there to read it or improve it each chapter... Haha...**

**Anyway, ah, I'm a hardcore MomoKai supporter. But InuKai just seemed to lend itself better to this story. So there might be hints of that along the way? Who knows!**

** Also, I have a few very random Kisarazu headcanons that might come out in later chapters because I really do adore the twinnies.~ **

**Time to assign the seat arrangements! I'm thinking of just putting Niou next to a random stranger who he can screw around with. Kirihara seems like he should be next to a screaming baby. Maybe Momo and Kaidou should sit together, for on-flight rivalry antics? Jirou sitting next to Marui seems like a given. Davi should be sitting directly behind 'Bane, so 'Bane can get all distressed at not being able to kick him. And somehow, some way, their on-flight meal will involve gouya. At least, for the Higa family, it will! **


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